[RL - Breakfast at Crane's]

[tntandgasoline]

Morning in Gotham City is a lot like the rest of the day - smoggy, loud, and full of clown-faced crimelords carrying groceries into an apartment building.

The Joker, lately, has been really running out of patience. It might be Harvey's fault, really, since the bastard had made him pull on the reins, but the Joker isn't one to place blame on anyone in particular.

Still, now that he's gotten one thing down - breaking Harvey out of Wayne manor, ch-eck - and another in the works - have a good Valentine's Day, ch-eck - it's time to get to the least pressing - but potentially most fun - item on his agenda.

Wielding two plastic grocery bags filled with various bright colored boxes, a half-gallon of milk, orange juice and a set of bowls and spoons, the Joker makes his way up the stairs to a little place his oh-so-observant gaggle of goons had informed him of.

Without so much as a knock, he jiggles the doorknob, then shrugs and kicks the door open.

"Honey~, I brought breakfast!"

Comments

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

"Aren't you considerate," he murmured, eying the bowl and pushing the bits into the milk. He'd never been a fan of Wheaties. His father always liked them, though.

He took a bite, hardly impressed but not willing to show anything for fear of offending Joker further.

[tntandgasoline]

Maybe he and the Joker would be able to trade stories about all the things their fathers liked at some later date; for now, though, the Joker just continued habitually picking out the marshmallow shapes from his spoonfuls of cereal.

"I try. --Aren't you, uh, glad? You got to play with Stark and we," he gestured between the two of them vaguely, "Came out ahead. Well, except for the concussions, but you deserved yours."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

He gave him a look before glancing down into his bowl, playing with the pieces more. Drowning Wheaties, is this what he'd come down to? He pressed his lips together into a thoughtful line, "What did we gain?" I'm inclined to believe we proved absolutely nothing. Though that's how most things felt with the Joker, didn't they? Utterly useless until the true meaning was revealed.

He half wondered if he ever intended it, if by some chance under all that paint and makeup there was a disturbing intelligence and this was something that faltered him frequently. He wanted to believe the outward, stupid actions, the brash, thoughtless plans and most of all he felt comfortable feeling that he was for the most part smarter than Joker.

He knew better, too. Chaos, as he would suggest, doesn't run on intelligence after all, does it? Transcends, overcomes, destroys and rebuilds... Or something equally pretentious.

He took another bite, finding this one more favorable.

[tntandgasoline]

The Joker stared at Crane, looking intensely bemused at the audacity of such a question.

"Well, for one..." He finishes off the last generous spoonful of oat pieces and eyes the remaining mush of half-dissolved marshmallows and milk in appreciation. "We know that Harvey can spend weeks at little Wayne's house and still come home like a good boy."

He shrugged, starting in on the marshmallow mush, "I consider that a win. I like making sure that, uh, the people I keep around me - you, Harvey, the clowns on the street corner outside - are all on my side. Makes things easier - less cleanup, if you're all playing with me, not against."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

Another bite, "And--" Swallow, "And what if not everyone is playing with you. What if he comes home because he's reporting back to Bruce, and by proxy, Batman? Do you ever think about that?"

[tntandgasoline]

"What kind of person would I be if I didn't have plans for something like that?"

The Joker smiled blandly at Crane, taking a large bite.

"Don't get me wrong, dollface. I'm glad Harvey's back - I really am - but he's not out of the doghouse yet. I still have to put him through the, uh, wringer, to make sure that isn't the case."

Still... He knew where Harvey stood. It was too obvious. "Besides - you didn't get to see his reaction when I told him - when I said what I said to get him to come back. Smart, maybe, but Harvey has never been able to keep his true self contained when I'm around." If that's not a purr in his voice or a shiver down his back, nothing is.

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

"Sounds thoroughly thought out," he offered dryly, pushing the bowl away, half finished. He wasn't hungry enough to humor him anymore.

[tntandgasoline]

"I try. See, the thing is - I don't like it when things I want don't go my way. It's not, uh - it's not good for me, and I look out for my self-interests. Y'know how it is."

The thing about Crane, Joker figured to himself as he mimicked the doctor's usual method of spraying noxious fumes into the other's face over their breakfast, was that he took the Joker's intelligence for granted. Assumed things, like maybe he wasn't going to eventually use the laughing gas he had given him against the doctor himself at some point - or that he would be too stupid to figure out how to do it. Either or.

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

He jerked, eyes widening for a brief moment as that familiar poison filled his lungs; strange, he knew it would happen but this seemed... unusual. He'd expected it perhaps in front of a crowd, to be humiliated thus; there was no reason to do this alone--

And then his limbs began to sag and he leaned back into his chair with a sigh-- and a laugh. Ah, the new stuff. It worked, didn't it? Of course it did, he made it.

"I was, , wondering... when," another laugh erupted out of him and he couldn't predict it, a hand rising slower than he would've liked to clamp over his mouth, shoulders shaking with increasing laughs.


Well. Fuck.

[tntandgasoline]

"Well, dollface, wonder no more!" The Joker grinned, lifting his bowl to his mouth to finish off the dregs of his breakfast, licking his lips and pushing himself out of his chair.

He watched the doctor try to cover up the laughter - ohhoho, he sounded so nice when he was laughing, and the Joker knew immediately that he could definitely, definitely get used to this.

"Honestly? I'm a little, uh, well - surprised, Doc. I thought you might make a cure for this, a little vaccine or something. Good thing you didn't, or else this would've been silly."

He lurched around the table and pulled Crane's chair back, sliding into his lap, either hand going to grip the back of the chair behind Crane's shoulders. "Now, y'see - y'should've asked what the clowns on the corner had to do with anything."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

"You don't--" he started, words spilling out of his mouth messily among chuckles, far slower than he was thinking and it was frustrating-- and then Joker was in his lap, the weight heavy and uncomfortable and disgusting.

It was just happening too fast for him to comprehend and for however angry or frustrated he got, the more he laughed and laughed-- Yes, this was probably hell.

He slumped against the chair, just smiling up at Joker, the hand that was at his mouth before now at Joker's chest, grasping his shirt, twisting, but making no other move, "This is... compromising, hahaha."

[tntandgasoline]

The Joker smiled right back, nodding along to the laughter as if it were the beat of a very entertaining song. Oh, the little things like these kinds of moments - they struck a chord with him.

"Now, I'm not saying that this kinda thing is gonna happen often, honey, no no no no - just think of this as, uh, payback - real payback, not just a thump on the head - for that stunt you pulled with Stark and me."

He leaned in close, mouth by Crane's ear, giggling a bit in turn - to show him he wasn't alone, not at all - and then drifted over the doctor's face, nose-to-nose and all his teeth showing in a big grin.

"Now then..."

He trailed off, let it hang, moving a hand to slip into his coat pocket - pushing the send button to send a message to Slappy, his head henchmen on the corner block, to bring up the extra fun things he brought with him.

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

"Honey," he tried to look disgusted but just erupted in laughter, head tipping back as Joker advanced. The hand at his chest pushed and he managed a frown for a moment, lips pressing hard together, teeth clenching to try and ward off more laughter. And then Joker was at his ear, whispering something, his nose to his nose, forehead to forehead.

This truly was hell, just in this moment.

He turned his head away, choking on his laughter, miserable now, angry; He'd thought leaving him to Batman's mercy was vindication enough but apparently not and Crane didn't want to think of what Joker was going to do to him-- he wouldn't put a lot of things past him at this point, the man seemed to lack morals in general.

His other hand rose, another push-- this to his face, get off, get off, "Get off."

[tntandgasoline]

The Joker did just that, sliding off his lap but not before grabbing his chin and laughing in his face, low and harsh.

"My pleasure. Anything for you."

The door was opened, then, and in came three masked clowns, one holding a garment bag, another with a large brown paper bag and the third, a laptop case.

"Oh, these are my friends, Doc - they're not staying, just here to give me some things." He gestured vaguely at the three and the immediately set their packages down and left, one giving a casual glance back at the both of them. The Joker paid him no mind, launching at the items left once the door closed.

"We are going to have some fun. Just you and I, dollface." He dug through the paper bag and then, with a casual air undermined by the manic grin on his face, threw a pair of slinky black knee-high boots at Crane's feet.

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

Far too many things were going on in his apartment and if it werent for the laughter, he probably would've passed out by now. He shifted forward, brows narrowing, a smile rising as another round of giggles rose-- and then the boots fell at his feet.

He deadpanned, laughter halted for a moment.

"I always wondered, , what your cross dressing entailed, I'm not interested in seeing you in-- in a skirt again."

[tntandgasoline]

The Joker blinked at Crane for a moment, then cackled, pulling out what looked suspiciously like a black lace thong - and throwing it into Crane's lap.

"Ohhoho. Not me, sweetheart."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

...

...

...

...

There are no words for this. No words.

[tntandgasoline]

He simply grinned, sauntering over to the sedated, hysterical doctor. He pulled out a knife and, without ado, begins cutting off Crane's shirt.

"Payback really, really is a bitch, isn't it, Doc?"

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

Nothing said, just a disgruntled look-- the laughter was still silent, as if he'd overcome it though really it was taking all his effort to keep it quiet and his chest ached because of it.

He looked down to where the shirt was being cut straight from him and frowned.

That was a nice shirt.

[tntandgasoline]

It was a nice shirt, the Joker would readily admit that, but all's fair in love and war. So to speak.

"I got you all the best - bought it just for you, too, dollface. After all, I'm not as skinny as you..."

He tore the tattered shirt away, throwing it against the wall, then grinned wide, hunkered down, and took the knife to the doctor's pants.

He paused, though, resting the flat of the blade against Crane's thigh, and looked up at him from between his legs. "...You know, I almost feel bad for cutting these adorable pants off..." He ticked the tip of the knife against one of the cartoonish alligators decorating the pants, honestly a little surprised that the Dr. Crane would wear anything like them, pajamas or not.

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

A bubbling of laugher rose and he jerked when the shirt was torn from him, skin prickling to the unfamiliar cold. He had to get out of this and leaving or stopping him was not an option-- words, words, use words.

Use words before he cuts anything valuable.

"You shouldn't," he started, lazily, sounding as sluggish as he felt and he shifted uncomfortably, pants snagging on the knife. A hand fell to cover the blade, smiling despite himself-- fucking laughter.

"I'm not," wearing anything underneath them, "I-- What are you putting on me? Really?"

[tntandgasoline]

The Joker paused, looking from the hand over his knife to Crane's face, then smiles and quietly tucks the blade away. "No, we don't need to cut these, you're right."

He blithely ignored the doctor's speech, reaching up and grabbing the elastic waistband of the pants and boxers underneath. He tugged them quite firmly and easily off - without pause, he stood and threw the bottoms away before going to grab the garment bag.

"Well, I think this will look just - just fantastic." He unzipped the bag and pulled out the - barely really even a dress, some tight black PVC little number - and held it out for Crane's inspection, paying next to no mind to the doctor's nudity (surprisingly enough). "Don't you agree, doc?"

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

And surprisingly, he seemed unperturbed by being naked, especially forcibly so; not that he was comfortable, he just couldn't help but... laugh.

"You can't be serious. What are you-- you trying to prove to me, that I can wear dresses too? This is idiotic. Pointless."

[tntandgasoline]

The Joker, for his part, simply shrugged, laying the dress out over the back of a chair and going to find that adorable piece of underwear he had carelessly tossed away with Crane's clothes.

Finding that, he was quick to walk right up to Crane and kneel down once more, slipping each foot into their proper holes - and they were big ones, what with how small the thing was. After that, he pulled them up as far as he could, then unceremoniously grabbed Crane and hauled him onto his feet long enough to get the piece on.

Dropping the doctor back in the chair, he cackled and turned away. It was too much. "Oh, it looks perfect."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

Oh, that was a grimace-- it was uncomfortable and he could hardly move to correct it. It seemed pointless to point out that these were not meant for men and he could've gotten some that were, at least.

He was also horrified he was rationalizing this now.

"Answer my question."