[RL - Breakfast at Crane's]

[tntandgasoline]

Morning in Gotham City is a lot like the rest of the day - smoggy, loud, and full of clown-faced crimelords carrying groceries into an apartment building.

The Joker, lately, has been really running out of patience. It might be Harvey's fault, really, since the bastard had made him pull on the reins, but the Joker isn't one to place blame on anyone in particular.

Still, now that he's gotten one thing down - breaking Harvey out of Wayne manor, ch-eck - and another in the works - have a good Valentine's Day, ch-eck - it's time to get to the least pressing - but potentially most fun - item on his agenda.

Wielding two plastic grocery bags filled with various bright colored boxes, a half-gallon of milk, orange juice and a set of bowls and spoons, the Joker makes his way up the stairs to a little place his oh-so-observant gaggle of goons had informed him of.

Without so much as a knock, he jiggles the doorknob, then shrugs and kicks the door open.

"Honey~, I brought breakfast!"

Comments

[tntandgasoline]

The Joker blinked at Crane for a moment, then cackled, pulling out what looked suspiciously like a black lace thong - and throwing it into Crane's lap.

"Ohhoho. Not me, sweetheart."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

...

...

...

...

There are no words for this. No words.

[tntandgasoline]

He simply grinned, sauntering over to the sedated, hysterical doctor. He pulled out a knife and, without ado, begins cutting off Crane's shirt.

"Payback really, really is a bitch, isn't it, Doc?"

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

Nothing said, just a disgruntled look-- the laughter was still silent, as if he'd overcome it though really it was taking all his effort to keep it quiet and his chest ached because of it.

He looked down to where the shirt was being cut straight from him and frowned.

That was a nice shirt.

[tntandgasoline]

It was a nice shirt, the Joker would readily admit that, but all's fair in love and war. So to speak.

"I got you all the best - bought it just for you, too, dollface. After all, I'm not as skinny as you..."

He tore the tattered shirt away, throwing it against the wall, then grinned wide, hunkered down, and took the knife to the doctor's pants.

He paused, though, resting the flat of the blade against Crane's thigh, and looked up at him from between his legs. "...You know, I almost feel bad for cutting these adorable pants off..." He ticked the tip of the knife against one of the cartoonish alligators decorating the pants, honestly a little surprised that the Dr. Crane would wear anything like them, pajamas or not.

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

A bubbling of laugher rose and he jerked when the shirt was torn from him, skin prickling to the unfamiliar cold. He had to get out of this and leaving or stopping him was not an option-- words, words, use words.

Use words before he cuts anything valuable.

"You shouldn't," he started, lazily, sounding as sluggish as he felt and he shifted uncomfortably, pants snagging on the knife. A hand fell to cover the blade, smiling despite himself-- fucking laughter.

"I'm not," wearing anything underneath them, "I-- What are you putting on me? Really?"

[tntandgasoline]

The Joker paused, looking from the hand over his knife to Crane's face, then smiles and quietly tucks the blade away. "No, we don't need to cut these, you're right."

He blithely ignored the doctor's speech, reaching up and grabbing the elastic waistband of the pants and boxers underneath. He tugged them quite firmly and easily off - without pause, he stood and threw the bottoms away before going to grab the garment bag.

"Well, I think this will look just - just fantastic." He unzipped the bag and pulled out the - barely really even a dress, some tight black PVC little number - and held it out for Crane's inspection, paying next to no mind to the doctor's nudity (surprisingly enough). "Don't you agree, doc?"

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

And surprisingly, he seemed unperturbed by being naked, especially forcibly so; not that he was comfortable, he just couldn't help but... laugh.

"You can't be serious. What are you-- you trying to prove to me, that I can wear dresses too? This is idiotic. Pointless."

[tntandgasoline]

The Joker, for his part, simply shrugged, laying the dress out over the back of a chair and going to find that adorable piece of underwear he had carelessly tossed away with Crane's clothes.

Finding that, he was quick to walk right up to Crane and kneel down once more, slipping each foot into their proper holes - and they were big ones, what with how small the thing was. After that, he pulled them up as far as he could, then unceremoniously grabbed Crane and hauled him onto his feet long enough to get the piece on.

Dropping the doctor back in the chair, he cackled and turned away. It was too much. "Oh, it looks perfect."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

Oh, that was a grimace-- it was uncomfortable and he could hardly move to correct it. It seemed pointless to point out that these were not meant for men and he could've gotten some that were, at least.

He was also horrified he was rationalizing this now.

"Answer my question."

[tntandgasoline]

"It's payback, didn't I already, uh, say that?"

He honestly couldn't look directly at Crane without breaking out into giggles even he couldn't control, so he took his time getting the dress, messing with the little hooks that ran down the back. It was a piece of work.

"Just be glad I didn't get you the, uh, matching bra. Really, dollface, did you think I was going to let you go so easy after you fucked with me?" He finally steeled himself, barely holding back another fit as he turned and went to attempt to get the dress on. It'd be easiest to go from the feet up... "I would have done this a while ago if the Batman hadn't interrupted."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

So it really was that simple. Revenge. Not his kind, but he... couldn't blame him?

No, he could.

He steeled his jaw as the dress was practically shoved and put on him, arms protesting movement as he desperately willed them to fight Joker, to push him away, anything-- The sedative was good. Too good.

He swallowed thick, head lolling forward enough for him to murmur against his shoulder as he pulled it up around his middle, "Of all the things you could've done, Joker," hesitance, lips finding it harder to form words now, another burst of laughter burning his lungs as he willed it back, "I'm disappointed in you."

[tntandgasoline]

The dress looked...

Frighteningly good. It actually almost made Joker jealous to see it fit in all the right places, just like it really should. He had hips, but Crane had curves.

He paused when Crane spoke, arms around his chest to do up the hook and eye latches, and looked him straight in the eyes.

"If you want, I don't have to be done with just prettying you up, dollface." He stuck out his tongue, dragged it long and slow up Crane's neck to his ear -

"Don't egg me on, Crane."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

When his body shuddered to the affection he realized how little control he actually had over it. He murmured low, "I could say the same."

[tntandgasoline]

Joker decided very quickly that no, he wasn't quite done.

He gave Crane's ear another lick, curling his tongue and biting down on the lobe briefly before pulling away. Before he moved to the table and one last bag, however, he gave the doctor's lap a firm pat, grinning wide at him.

"Now then..." He sauntered to the bag, pulling out what looked like a toolbox. He opened it and began pulling out little cases of different colored powders. "I see you with a smokey-eyed look. How's that sound, darling?"

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

He gave a shaky inhale, grimacing against his shoulder, eyes squeezing shut. It wasn't unusual how his body reacted, no, but he didn't approve-- not with Joker of all people. The uncultured, disgusting pig.

When he pulled away it was like a breath of fresh air-- literally, too.

"No," he responded cooly.

[tntandgasoline]

"No?" The Joker made a face and giggled, plucking out a few choice colors - eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick; he wouldn't bother with foundation, it would just look tacky on Crane's skin. "No? Like you have any say..."

He stuffed the supplies in his coat pocket and slid right back into Crane's lap, grabbing him by the chin to hold his face up. "You already look sexy as hell, so I can only imagine this will improve you - if not your rotten attitude. Where'd that bickering, catty little doctor go, anyway?"

He pulled out the eyeshadow. "Close your eyes."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

He jerked as Joker grabbed his chin, managing a frown, not sure what the hell to say to whatever he was spouting at him; probably just said to rile him up and he knew better than to indulge it.

Crane leveled him with an absolutely loathing look before closing his eyes, lips pressed into an irritated line.

[tntandgasoline]

"Good boy," Joker chuckled, running a hand through Crane's hair in a faux show of affection before adjusting to start caking powder on the other's eyelids.

Despite the desire to be mean and heavy-handed, he couldn't help but be very careful applying the eyeshadow. He wasn't going to fuck the entire illusion up just because Crane was being a little bitch about everything, no. He was careful to apply all three different layers of powder, blending them with the back of the stick-brush and tutting once he was finished - black was a little too dark for him, but it matched the look. Besides, it was more of a dark gray - it'd do.

"I think - yeah, I think I'll be nice and forgo the eyeliner. I don't wanna, aheh, pop an eye out, do I?" He threw the eyeshadow back at the toolbox, wiggled in Crane's lap, and grabbed the mascara, drawing Crane's lower eyelid down with a finger. "You can open your eyes, by the way." Even if he might not want to. "What do you think - red or black lipstick?"

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

No response until he wiggled and it earned a muted noise, trying to draw his head away from him as he pulled at his eyelid. He blinked rapidly, wishing he could feel it, not surprised he couldn't.

Neither, neither, "Red."

[tntandgasoline]

Joker bit his lip at the noise, chewing on it for a moment before nodding. "Yeah - yeah. Black is so... cloying, you're too pretty for that."

He pulled out the lipstick he had picked up once he was done with the mascara, looking at the garish red for a minute before shaking his head. "Deeper, though, to - uh, really bring out that little pout of yours." He slid off Crane's lap, taking his time, then went back to dig around until he found a deeper, more mahogany kind of red. Lighter, too -

He practically pulled at Crane's lip when he sat down again, applying the color nice and as evenly as possible. He'd show anyone who ever thought he couldn't apply makeup --

"C'mon, dollface, smack your lips." He made an example of his own, nodding as he did so. "You really do look pretty, you know. I used to just, uh, say it in jest, but I'm really telling you the truth."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

Neither would look good on me you imbecile, none of them. His chest heaved with a sigh, muscles protesting the movement and he dragged a hand into his lap, pushing at the hem of his dress. Great, he was feeling modest now.

Didn't have much time to, of course, with Joker back in his face. Lips parted compliantly, brows drawing as he watched him work, tried to understand why of all things he was gentle with, it was with this; surely humiliating him wasn't... He didn't want to think about it. Not now.

Crane refused the request, just spat angrily, "Stop saying that."

[tntandgasoline]

He pouted at Crane, tilting his head and wrapping his arms around the doctor's shoulders. "Aw, why, pumpkin? You aren't, haha, you aren't modest, after all. If you were, you wouldn't take such good care of yourself, keeping your skin and your teeth so nice and clean, keeping your hair," he grabbed a handful of Crane's hair and tugged a bit harshly, though not in any real malice, "Keeping your hair so neat and silky - no, you wouldn't do that, present yourself like the hot little shit you do if you were modest."

He grinned and laughed in Crane's face, licking his lips. "I'm actually kinda surprised nobody's dolled you up before. Then again, you are pretty relaxed right now. That may just be the sedatives talking, though."

[clearyourhead.livejournal.com]

He grunted to the pull, muscles offering no resistance. Internally he rationalized that he kept himself neat because he knew no other way; it'd always been a prime point in his life to be presentable. People didn't respect you, otherwise.

But no, he wasn't modest.

His eyes darted to watch him, expression distant and lacking the same emotion as before, especially when he smiled, laughed low. "You really think you're in control, don't you? I bet this gives you a rush."

[tntandgasoline]

"Would you rather be in control, here, Doc?" Joker laughed, licking his lips and shaking his head. "No, no, don't answer that. You'd fucking love it. And, y'know, yeah. Yeah, this is giving me a rush, but mostly for the fact that this?"

He leaned in again and nuzzled Crane's neck, giggling into his skin. "This makes you look just like a pretty little gal I used to know. Y'know, in the, uh, biblical sense - if y'know what I mean."

He smoothed Crane's hair out and smiled. "Why do you think I really like doing this, dollface? 'Cos we both know I'm lying. I wanna hear your input."