tntandgasoline | [RL - Breakfast at Crane's]

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[RL - Breakfast at Crane's]

Morning in Gotham City is a lot like the rest of the day - smoggy, loud, and full of clown-faced crimelords carrying groceries into an apartment building.

The Joker, lately, has been really running out of patience. It might be Harvey's fault, really, since the bastard had made him pull on the reins, but the Joker isn't one to place blame on anyone in particular.

Still, now that he's gotten one thing down - breaking Harvey out of Wayne manor, ch-eck - and another in the works - have a good Valentine's Day, ch-eck - it's time to get to the least pressing - but potentially most fun - item on his agenda.

Wielding two plastic grocery bags filled with various bright colored boxes, a half-gallon of milk, orange juice and a set of bowls and spoons, the Joker makes his way up the stairs to a little place his oh-so-observant gaggle of goons had informed him of.

Without so much as a knock, he jiggles the doorknob, then shrugs and kicks the door open.

"Honey~, I brought breakfast!"

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"You don't--" he started, words spilling out of his mouth messily among chuckles, far slower than he was thinking and it was frustrating-- and then Joker was in his lap, the weight heavy and uncomfortable and disgusting.

It was just happening too fast for him to comprehend and for however angry or frustrated he got, the more he laughed and laughed-- Yes, this was probably hell.

He slumped against the chair, just smiling up at Joker, the hand that was at his mouth before now at Joker's chest, grasping his shirt, twisting, but making no other move, "This is... compromising, hahaha."

The Joker smiled right back, nodding along to the laughter as if it were the beat of a very entertaining song. Oh, the little things like these kinds of moments - they struck a chord with him.

"Now, I'm not saying that this kinda thing is gonna happen often, honey, no no no no - just think of this as, uh, payback - real payback, not just a thump on the head - for that stunt you pulled with Stark and me."

He leaned in close, mouth by Crane's ear, giggling a bit in turn - to show him he wasn't alone, not at all - and then drifted over the doctor's face, nose-to-nose and all his teeth showing in a big grin.

"Now then..."

He trailed off, let it hang, moving a hand to slip into his coat pocket - pushing the send button to send a message to Slappy, his head henchmen on the corner block, to bring up the extra fun things he brought with him.

"Honey," he tried to look disgusted but just erupted in laughter, head tipping back as Joker advanced. The hand at his chest pushed and he managed a frown for a moment, lips pressing hard together, teeth clenching to try and ward off more laughter. And then Joker was at his ear, whispering something, his nose to his nose, forehead to forehead.

This truly was hell, just in this moment.

He turned his head away, choking on his laughter, miserable now, angry; He'd thought leaving him to Batman's mercy was vindication enough but apparently not and Crane didn't want to think of what Joker was going to do to him-- he wouldn't put a lot of things past him at this point, the man seemed to lack morals in general.

His other hand rose, another push-- this to his face, get off, get off, "Get off."

The Joker did just that, sliding off his lap but not before grabbing his chin and laughing in his face, low and harsh.

"My pleasure. Anything for you."

The door was opened, then, and in came three masked clowns, one holding a garment bag, another with a large brown paper bag and the third, a laptop case.

"Oh, these are my friends, Doc - they're not staying, just here to give me some things." He gestured vaguely at the three and the immediately set their packages down and left, one giving a casual glance back at the both of them. The Joker paid him no mind, launching at the items left once the door closed.

"We are going to have some fun. Just you and I, dollface." He dug through the paper bag and then, with a casual air undermined by the manic grin on his face, threw a pair of slinky black knee-high boots at Crane's feet.

Far too many things were going on in his apartment and if it werent for the laughter, he probably would've passed out by now. He shifted forward, brows narrowing, a smile rising as another round of giggles rose-- and then the boots fell at his feet.

He deadpanned, laughter halted for a moment.

"I always wondered, , what your cross dressing entailed, I'm not interested in seeing you in-- in a skirt again."

The Joker blinked at Crane for a moment, then cackled, pulling out what looked suspiciously like a black lace thong - and throwing it into Crane's lap.

"Ohhoho. Not me, sweetheart."

Edited 2009-02-13 08:59 (UTC)

...

...

...

...

There are no words for this. No words.

He simply grinned, sauntering over to the sedated, hysterical doctor. He pulled out a knife and, without ado, begins cutting off Crane's shirt.

"Payback really, really is a bitch, isn't it, Doc?"

Nothing said, just a disgruntled look-- the laughter was still silent, as if he'd overcome it though really it was taking all his effort to keep it quiet and his chest ached because of it.

He looked down to where the shirt was being cut straight from him and frowned.

That was a nice shirt.

It was a nice shirt, the Joker would readily admit that, but all's fair in love and war. So to speak.

"I got you all the best - bought it just for you, too, dollface. After all, I'm not as skinny as you..."

He tore the tattered shirt away, throwing it against the wall, then grinned wide, hunkered down, and took the knife to the doctor's pants.

He paused, though, resting the flat of the blade against Crane's thigh, and looked up at him from between his legs. "...You know, I almost feel bad for cutting these adorable pants off..." He ticked the tip of the knife against one of the cartoonish alligators decorating the pants, honestly a little surprised that the Dr. Crane would wear anything like them, pajamas or not.

A bubbling of laugher rose and he jerked when the shirt was torn from him, skin prickling to the unfamiliar cold. He had to get out of this and leaving or stopping him was not an option-- words, words, use words.

Use words before he cuts anything valuable.

"You shouldn't," he started, lazily, sounding as sluggish as he felt and he shifted uncomfortably, pants snagging on the knife. A hand fell to cover the blade, smiling despite himself-- fucking laughter.

"I'm not," wearing anything underneath them, "I-- What are you putting on me? Really?"

The Joker paused, looking from the hand over his knife to Crane's face, then smiles and quietly tucks the blade away. "No, we don't need to cut these, you're right."

He blithely ignored the doctor's speech, reaching up and grabbing the elastic waistband of the pants and boxers underneath. He tugged them quite firmly and easily off - without pause, he stood and threw the bottoms away before going to grab the garment bag.

"Well, I think this will look just - just fantastic." He unzipped the bag and pulled out the - barely really even a dress, some tight black PVC little number - and held it out for Crane's inspection, paying next to no mind to the doctor's nudity (surprisingly enough). "Don't you agree, doc?"

And surprisingly, he seemed unperturbed by being naked, especially forcibly so; not that he was comfortable, he just couldn't help but... laugh.

"You can't be serious. What are you-- you trying to prove to me, that I can wear dresses too? This is idiotic. Pointless."

The Joker, for his part, simply shrugged, laying the dress out over the back of a chair and going to find that adorable piece of underwear he had carelessly tossed away with Crane's clothes.

Finding that, he was quick to walk right up to Crane and kneel down once more, slipping each foot into their proper holes - and they were big ones, what with how small the thing was. After that, he pulled them up as far as he could, then unceremoniously grabbed Crane and hauled him onto his feet long enough to get the piece on.

Dropping the doctor back in the chair, he cackled and turned away. It was too much. "Oh, it looks perfect."

Oh, that was a grimace-- it was uncomfortable and he could hardly move to correct it. It seemed pointless to point out that these were not meant for men and he could've gotten some that were, at least.

He was also horrified he was rationalizing this now.

"Answer my question."

"It's payback, didn't I already, uh, say that?"

He honestly couldn't look directly at Crane without breaking out into giggles even he couldn't control, so he took his time getting the dress, messing with the little hooks that ran down the back. It was a piece of work.

"Just be glad I didn't get you the, uh, matching bra. Really, dollface, did you think I was going to let you go so easy after you fucked with me?" He finally steeled himself, barely holding back another fit as he turned and went to attempt to get the dress on. It'd be easiest to go from the feet up... "I would have done this a while ago if the Batman hadn't interrupted."

So it really was that simple. Revenge. Not his kind, but he... couldn't blame him?

No, he could.

He steeled his jaw as the dress was practically shoved and put on him, arms protesting movement as he desperately willed them to fight Joker, to push him away, anything-- The sedative was good. Too good.

He swallowed thick, head lolling forward enough for him to murmur against his shoulder as he pulled it up around his middle, "Of all the things you could've done, Joker," hesitance, lips finding it harder to form words now, another burst of laughter burning his lungs as he willed it back, "I'm disappointed in you."

The dress looked...

Frighteningly good. It actually almost made Joker jealous to see it fit in all the right places, just like it really should. He had hips, but Crane had curves.

He paused when Crane spoke, arms around his chest to do up the hook and eye latches, and looked him straight in the eyes.

"If you want, I don't have to be done with just prettying you up, dollface." He stuck out his tongue, dragged it long and slow up Crane's neck to his ear -

"Don't egg me on, Crane."

When his body shuddered to the affection he realized how little control he actually had over it. He murmured low, "I could say the same."

Joker decided very quickly that no, he wasn't quite done.

He gave Crane's ear another lick, curling his tongue and biting down on the lobe briefly before pulling away. Before he moved to the table and one last bag, however, he gave the doctor's lap a firm pat, grinning wide at him.

"Now then..." He sauntered to the bag, pulling out what looked like a toolbox. He opened it and began pulling out little cases of different colored powders. "I see you with a smokey-eyed look. How's that sound, darling?"

He gave a shaky inhale, grimacing against his shoulder, eyes squeezing shut. It wasn't unusual how his body reacted, no, but he didn't approve-- not with Joker of all people. The uncultured, disgusting pig.

When he pulled away it was like a breath of fresh air-- literally, too.

"No," he responded cooly.

"No?" The Joker made a face and giggled, plucking out a few choice colors - eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick; he wouldn't bother with foundation, it would just look tacky on Crane's skin. "No? Like you have any say..."

He stuffed the supplies in his coat pocket and slid right back into Crane's lap, grabbing him by the chin to hold his face up. "You already look sexy as hell, so I can only imagine this will improve you - if not your rotten attitude. Where'd that bickering, catty little doctor go, anyway?"

He pulled out the eyeshadow. "Close your eyes."

He jerked as Joker grabbed his chin, managing a frown, not sure what the hell to say to whatever he was spouting at him; probably just said to rile him up and he knew better than to indulge it.

Crane leveled him with an absolutely loathing look before closing his eyes, lips pressed into an irritated line.

"Good boy," Joker chuckled, running a hand through Crane's hair in a faux show of affection before adjusting to start caking powder on the other's eyelids.

Despite the desire to be mean and heavy-handed, he couldn't help but be very careful applying the eyeshadow. He wasn't going to fuck the entire illusion up just because Crane was being a little bitch about everything, no. He was careful to apply all three different layers of powder, blending them with the back of the stick-brush and tutting once he was finished - black was a little too dark for him, but it matched the look. Besides, it was more of a dark gray - it'd do.

"I think - yeah, I think I'll be nice and forgo the eyeliner. I don't wanna, aheh, pop an eye out, do I?" He threw the eyeshadow back at the toolbox, wiggled in Crane's lap, and grabbed the mascara, drawing Crane's lower eyelid down with a finger. "You can open your eyes, by the way." Even if he might not want to. "What do you think - red or black lipstick?"

No response until he wiggled and it earned a muted noise, trying to draw his head away from him as he pulled at his eyelid. He blinked rapidly, wishing he could feel it, not surprised he couldn't.

Neither, neither, "Red."

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