tntandgasoline | [RL - Breakfast at Crane's]

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Current Location: Some rundown apartment, idk

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[RL - Breakfast at Crane's]

Morning in Gotham City is a lot like the rest of the day - smoggy, loud, and full of clown-faced crimelords carrying groceries into an apartment building.

The Joker, lately, has been really running out of patience. It might be Harvey's fault, really, since the bastard had made him pull on the reins, but the Joker isn't one to place blame on anyone in particular.

Still, now that he's gotten one thing down - breaking Harvey out of Wayne manor, ch-eck - and another in the works - have a good Valentine's Day, ch-eck - it's time to get to the least pressing - but potentially most fun - item on his agenda.

Wielding two plastic grocery bags filled with various bright colored boxes, a half-gallon of milk, orange juice and a set of bowls and spoons, the Joker makes his way up the stairs to a little place his oh-so-observant gaggle of goons had informed him of.

Without so much as a knock, he jiggles the doorknob, then shrugs and kicks the door open.

"Honey~, I brought breakfast!"

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Joker slid with the push, giggling all the while before coming back with a sharp backhand across Crane's face. He was still grinning, but there was a sharp edge to it, teeth bared just a little more than what would be friendly.

"Last I heard, you were the one who got a straight-jacket. And you know, beautiful - I know you want me to be crazy. You want me to be batshit so you can have that little... edge over me, that would keep you from being fed to the wolves like me and Dent and the hundreds of goons I have at my fucking fingertips."

He presses his hand into Crane's cheek, almost gently, almost like an apology for smacking him - I had to do it, you were talking nonsense, I had to do it, you were speaking out of turn. "But you really, really don't have to worry, sweetie. I'm not gonna ever feed you to those mangy strays. You and me, dollface, you and me are on the same wavelength, and when Harvey gets up to speed us three? We're gonna be great. Fast friends."

And what's a little sexual harassment between friends? He rocked in Crane's lap and giggled.

The smacks stung and his head snapped with it, face feeling like abused playdough. He gaped for a moment, before glancing back, not so much unbelieving as... well, it hurt a lot more sedated, he hadn't expected that. Strange, must be a side effect, he would've figured something along the lines of the exact opposite.

Complacently he listened to him talk, showed no indication he agreed or disagreed, just that he was paying attention; his resolve to look as impassive as possible cracked with the rock, an alarmed noise swallowed quick with widened eyes, "I-- bet you tell everyone that."

"Oh, no." Joker actually looked offended, just a little, though it was exaggerated around the edges. "No, Doc, really. I wouldn't give you the same old spiel I give everyone. You're special."

He could barely contain his laughter and why should he? He let it out in a gasping sort of fit, hooking his feet around the chair legs to keep from falling out of Crane's lap. "God, that sounds so fucking trite, doesn't it? The kinda thing a guy like - haha, a guy like you would say to some broad you wanted to bang! 'You're special, baby, you're my one and only. Really!' But I'm being honest, Doc. So long as you and I can sit down and have these little chats - so long as you and I can have fun together, I'll keep the big bad wolves away. Think of it as, uh, my own personal agenda."

"Are you done talking?" Crane started with a lofted brow, entirely unmoved by his little speech. To be honest, he wasn't entirely sure he should be more afraid that he did have Joker's... affections? Good will or if it was a horrible, horrible thing. As of right now it throughly seemed the latter.

He shifted just slightly beneath him, "Get out of my lap."

"But if I did that," he said, squirming a bit and leaning chest-to-chest with the doctor, "You'd have control again. And I thought I liked having control?"

Eat your words, Doctor.

He pressed hard back against the chair, urging his breaths calm and even, "I'd have you out of my lap, it doesn't mean I'd be in control." Pandering to the Joker in this case hopefully only had one meaning for Crane and he didn't care to feel his lips any more than he already had.

He attempted to squirm, though there was more effort put into actually getting his muscles and limbs to agree with him than anything else, followed by an arch away from the chair slow, tense, hands rising to press against him again. I want you off.

"Hmmm."

Joker pet Crane, stroked his cheek and ran a hand through his hair, then grinned and slid off his lap. "Yeah, I should probably get a little distance before I do something we'll both regret. Besides..."

He pulled out a slim digital camera and pressed the on button, flipping through the settings. Party mode - well, this is a party... "I can't get any good pictures that close to you. Though I'll bet it'd make for great video."

He straightened out, adjusted the zoom, and snapped a picture, wincing at the flash. "Ugh, so ridiculous..." That'd have to be turned off before he continued.

Despite himself, he leaned to the attention, a brow dropping to the remark. No, we will not be doing anything either of us will regret-- What's... Oh.

Blackmail, clever.

He frowned, turned his face from the pictures, eying sidelong. There was no use stating the obvious now, was there? Could he pander to him more? He wasn't above-- No he was, actually. Crane shifted as if he intended to stand, escape maybe, who knew. Maybe Joker would let him walk right out of here.

"That's perfect. You know, I'm kinda surprised you didn't go into modeling, Doc, I really am. Look at that pout of yours, and the little, uh, come-hither look, and if you try to stand you're gonna crack your head open and I'm gonna do worse than this."

He took a few more pictures, fiddling with the settings to get all sorts of neat effects, over-saturating some and raising the contrast on others. "Though, I guess I should do more..." He stepped forward and tugged at the dress, bringing it up enough to get a hint of black lace, taking a few shots of that as well. "Because nobody is even gonna care about this. You look pretty feminine, really, like a real elegant woman who just got on the bad side of town."

He leans in and presses his face to Crane's, tilting their faces towards the out-stretched camera, "Smile for the birdie."

That threat was enough to keep him seated and ... They were just pictures. Thats all. Pictures were harmless, he could deal with them, get rid of them, destroy them and be okay; this was a mantra in his head, desperate to stay calm even as Joker was tugging at the dress. He gave a noise of protest, turning his knees to shy away, pushing it back down. Modest? No. Embarrassed? Well, not quite. Desperate to keep some shred of his reputation intact? Mostly.

Already forgetting that he'd been donned in makeup helped a lot.

Crane scowled as he pressed close and shifted again, hand rising quicker now than before, pushing him away with a little more force.

Joker wedged a knee between Crane's to keep them from hiding the amazing underwear, making sure to get a few extra snaps of that. When the hand came up to push him away he just grabbed at it, lifting the camera to take sequential photos as he twisted his head and pressed his mouth to Crane's in the lewdest possible way he could, giggling all the while.

Crane growled, caught, mind numbing at the kiss. For a long moment he didn't respond, just stared-- it must've been like kissing a warm corpse. When his mind snapped back he just struggled to get his arm back, biting at his lips with a growl. No.

His free hand pushed between them and he turned and spit at the floor, "Disgusting--!"

Joker moaned a little, a gasping, second long little sound at the biting, laughing as he was pushed away only to bite at the now-visible ear, licking it obscenely and getting a few more shots of that

"What do you know," he growled into Crane's ear, "I do like this control thing! You really are good at diagnosing, sweetheart!"

His shoulder lifted to try and warn him off, reaching for the camera with a grimace, seeing spots from all the flashes, "You're probably drooling on me."

He kept the camera out of reach, giggling and licking along Crane's jawline, snapping a few last pictures before leaping back to the table, out of Crane's immediate reach.

"No, you're not that attractive, sorry to say." He grinned and pocketed the camera. "Really, though, I do think you're beautiful. That wasn't me, uh, lying to you."

And the last would've shown Crane a little more flustered than he liked, cheeks red, panicked, lips parted in soundless protest.

Take me on a goddamn date if you're going to keep telling me how beautiful I am, "I don't care." He slumped, exhausted from all the effort, muscles feeling laced with lead. "Are we done?"

"Do you want to be?"

He was already gathering up all his things, though, stowing them away in the bags once more. "Oh, I forgot the boots..." He grinned. "Well, since you've been such a good sport about this little prank of mine, I'll let it slide."

"Yes," he answered honestly, a flood of relief settling as he saw Joker pack up and then graciously leave the... whatever those could be considered out of it. He shifted to pull the dress down again, hand rising to try and rub off the already smudged lipstick.

"Get out."

He chuckled and moved to give Crane's knee a firm squeeze, pouting a little. "I hope you're not, uh, offended by all this, dollface! It's just a harmless little prank after all."

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[RL - Breakfast at Crane's]

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