tntandgasoline: (zHeath - "Wouldn't you like to know?")
[personal profile] tntandgasoline

Click the cut below for the following:
-the full sized covers (back and front)
-the download link (all in 1 .zip file)
-some lyrics from each song and an IC explanation of the story that the songs tell.



I'm in the living room watching the watergate hearings
while my step father yells at my mother.
launches a glass across the room, straight at her head
and I dash upstairs to take cover.
lean in close to my little record player on the floor.
so this is what the volume knobs for.
ok so look I'm seventeen years old,
and you're the last best thing I've got going.
but then the special secret sickness starts to eat through you.
what am I supposed to do?
no way of knowing,
so I follow you down your twisting alleyways,
find a few cul de sacs of my own.
there's only one place where this road ever ends up.
and I don't want to die alone.
let me down, let me down, let me down gently.
when the police come to get me

I'm listening to dance music...

From the, the perspective of everyone around me, oh, they thought he was just swell. Charming and all that bullshit. But I knew. You could see it in his eyes if you wanted to look close enough, enough, enough of that, he was a bastard rotten inside and out. They would fight and fight and I had this great record collection from my father that I would listen to, listened to everything to the point where it didn't work anymore. It kept me sane except at this point in my life I wasn't aware that there was no such thing as “sane” by conventional standards, just the, uh, the way that everyone else did it. I was kind of weird and people saw it so I wasn't sane, anyway, I was rotten inside too. This is a tell-all. You see, normally I won't say this but for the purposes of metaphysical examinations of myself as per the choice of music presented I feel compelled, uh, enticed to explain. In any case, I was crazy already, you're born crazy after all, not sane and then go crazy. Anyway I met a girl at a concert when I was fifteen and she was a real looker, also she was thirteen but back then you didn't really notice that kind of thing until the cops knocked on your door, but they never did, so we would go out and then she would pop a pill or smoke a pipe or shoot a needle and I hated needles so I never did heroin but everything else was a-ok but only once. Except LSD, that's a hell of a drug, a HELL of a drug hahaha anyway. After a few years of dating notdating but it was close to dating Emily (she went by Emelie because she wanted to be French for some reason), anyway we were on-again-off-again for a while and then I realized that my step-father was a fucking bastard, who wanted to kill me and my mother and my sister so I took his car so he couldn't come after me and crashed it into an old house on Mills and Voltaire which was a stupid name for a street but Voltaire would have been proud. Like I said, LSD is one HELL of a drug.


after one long season of waiting,
after one long season of wanting,
i am breaking open.
my insides are pink and raw.
and i hurts me when i move my jaw,
but i am taking tiny steps forward.
and i... i feel sure that my wounds will heal.
and i, i will bloom here in my room.
with a little water.
and a little bit of sunlight.
and a little bit of tender mercy...

For a while after that I felt pretty good even though most of the time I was popping my mother's vicodin because my step-dad really did want to kill me. I'm not crazy, he was honestly out to murder me and no one knew. I think he poisoned my dinner right in front of me once but I threw it in his face and avoided disaster. Fucking bastard. Anyway I was pretty good for the timebeing and Emily/Emelie went away but I stayed put. Eventually I started to realize that I'd been raised wrong and wasn't, uh, that is to say, no one told me how to feel right and so I had to do some light/heavy reading on my own time, things like Nietzsche and Plato and uh, you know, things like that, philosophy mostly and history. Fuck high school, they never teach philosophy and you need to know that. Either way, I uh learned about God and the lack thereof and I learned, well, to be myself and that I wasn't crazy, just better, because I knew how to climb the walls that blocked out everything. But I was still a coward so I settled for doing more drugs than my parents could stand and suffering in silence the rest of the time.


on the shores of a lake named after a late queen of england
i heard new rumors of war.
the sun was a red ball up in the summer sky.
i saw my sister standing in the doorway.
she had that look on her face that reminded me of you.
the reports were coming hourly and the sky was blue.
they were shifting the power again.
they always do this when i come home...

My mom and my sister actually tried to stop me from leaving a few times but you know why they did, right? Of course you understand that they were trying to stop me because they knew I could see outside the boundaries and you're not supposed to do that. There be monsters, etcetera. My mom made me go to rehab but I was 18 so I left the day after they told me how I was suffering from some medical jargon. It was great. The look on my mom's face when I told my sister to fuck off was amazing. It ink ti's because there was no sisther at this point ubt


nobody in this house wants to own up to the truth.
I crawl in shotgun and reach into his mouth
and grab hold of one long, sharp tooth
and hold on.
for dear life, I hold on.

well of course he wakes up.
his paw hits the horn.
I am going to regret
the day that I was born.

and then mom
rushes out to the driveway
my sister too
everyone screaming,
I am dreaming of you.
I hold on.
for dear life, I hold on.

and my arms get sore.
and my palms start to sweat.
and the tears roll down my face,
till my cheeks are hot and red and soaking wet.

in come the cops
they blow torch the doors.
I start wailing.
the lion roars.
there's no good way to end this.
anyone can see
there's this great big you,
and little old me.
and we hold on.
for dear life, we hold on.
we hold on...

My step-father was a dick and wanted to kill me, so I exerted myself in self-defense.

(5) 1 John 4:16;

And if the clouds are gathering, it's just to point the way
To an afternoon I spent with you when it rained all day
And someone leads the beast in on its chain
But I know you're thinking of me 'cause it's just about to rain
So I wont be afraid of anything ever again...

Harvey ok this is where Chicago comes from promise it's the truth, you know I don't lie right anyway. I RAN to Chicago from my hometown because you know, uh, when you, when someone dies in an unfortunate way, especially when someone else's blood, see, my scars, asking if you want to know how I got them is a funny thing because I didn't get them at the same time, but that's another story for later, right now just know that I looked like I was smirking at everyone, but I learned how to use latex costuming supplies so the cops wouldn't see me and know it was me. It was a bitch when it bled but then it got better. Anyway, I kept seeing this woman everywhere,e this stunning, radient, beautiful woman named XXXXX and anyway, hahah like iw ould tell you people what I'm talking about seriously, like you would know the name anyway, she was just some woman and anyway she was everywhere, and she always said hello, she had like five jobs and it was great, she loved me, even though I was kind of fucked up by her standards, which were like everyone else's sadly, but I figured if I got the time I could tell her and explain how she was wrong. S he was smart so she would understand. And if a girl like her could like me then anyone could and I wouldn't be obscure forever.


floor two foot high with newspapers,
white carpet thick with pet hair,
half eaten gallons of ice cream in the freezer,
fresh fuel for the sodium flares,
I write down good reasons to freeze to death
in my spiral ring notebook,
but in the long tresses of your hair
I am a babbling brook.

Listen to the song, the uh, the lyrics. When we moved in together, that's this one.


alone with your bathroom mirror
try to get my head straight
breathe on the glass and wait for it to clear
clean slate

meet up with you in the kitchen
where the air is hot and dry
open up all the faucets
be fruitful and multiply

I stand where the flashing swords gleam
and I try to shake my head clear of the dream
but I'm out of my element I can't breathe
I'm out of my element
I can't breathe

I start to sweat I can't cool down
I'm scared of all the strangers in this town
I try to tell you just why i've come
it's like I've got molasses on my tongue

I made it through town somehow
but who's going to save me now?
i'm out of my element I can't breathe
i'm out of my element
I can't breathe...

But she made everything awkward by finding out shit that I had in a little notebook, reading my private PERSONAL WRITING I'm very big on privacy you see everyone needs it once in a while and anyway she found this book I was scribbling in and she didn't like what she saw but


everything i've told you was true
so imagine my surprise when i blink my eyes
and realize that i've been talking to you
and i've told you everything
even the parts i'd meant to leave out
and i shake my hair, and i look about

and the wild dogs are hungry
and the wild dogs howl
and the wild dogs in the mountains to the north of us
come down

I figured I could use the opportunity to explain to her, you know, using Nietzsche and Plato and these other people who I don't care about anymore they were wrong but she didn't really get it. She never got it, I don't know why I thought she would


Guy in a skeleton costume
Comes up to the guy in the Superman suit
Runs through him with a broadsword
I flipped the television off
Bring all the bright lights up
Turn the radio up loud
I don't know why I'm so persuaded
That if I think things through
Long enough and hard enough
I'll somehow get to you
But then you came in and we locked eyes
You kicked the ashtray over as we came toward each other
Stubbed my cigarette out against the west wall
Quickly lit another
Look at that
Would you look at that?
We're throwing off sparks
What will I do when I don't have you
To hold onto in the dark?

she was a bitch anyway and we hated each other hate hate HATED each other.


you do this every time.
you do this every time I swear.
you do this every time.
you do this every time I learned.
don't take the dogs away.
don't take the dogs away from me.
don't take the dogs away.
don't take the dogs away from me.

She called an institution and the police and there was a lot of paperwork involved and she saw me without the latex because you know she was a nosy bitch and finally peeled it off well fuck her. I shouldn't have hidden it anyway it was a REMINDER.


i'm coming in.
try to stop me.
push furniture in front of the door.
it only gives me something to push against.
in the full heat of the summer's day,
you're telling me to go away.
but you owe me eight-thousand dollars and i can use it

i'm only getting stronger.
you may have noticed.
but a head full of memories propels me ever further
and in the living room i don't see where you are,
but the back door's locked, so you can't have gone far
and eight-thousand dollars is a whole lot of money
and i could use it.

I know how to get out of asylums they're not hard, but it'd been years and she didn't really think about me until I got out of my own free will. I'm the best seeker on the playground. She's the one with the knife this time, not my step-father. This is the title of the story.

the reception's gotten fuzzy.
the delicate balance has shifted.
put on your gloves and your black pumps.
let's pretend the fog has lifted.

now you see me.
now you don't.
now you say you love me.
pretty soon you won't.

if we get our full threescore and ten,
we won't pass this way again.
so kiss me with your mouth open.
turn the tires toward the street
and stay sweet.
if we live to see the other side of this,
I will remember your kiss.
so do it with your mouth open.
and take your foot off of the brake
for christ's sake.

We went for a drive.

The clouds explode and then the desert blooms
Someone will need to mop this floor for me
When I emerge I find my car
Like a cathedral in a dream of the future

Drive 'til the rain stops
Keep driving...

neither of us came back.......

waves crashed all around and near your body
the waves came all over you
and i saw the sky reflected on the ocean
deadly blue

i used to know you...

of course I visited with her for a while before tying cement blocks to her feet and dumping the body. it's all smiles and laughter from here on out! cheer up!!

it makes me get all misty because i remember something
and then i see your shadow
and i, i wanna follow you all the way down this time
i want to see what it is you're going down for
i, i want you more than i want anything
i want you the way you were...

won't talk much here just give you the lyrics and you can tell, well, by the way my sister never existed to anyone but me and now my girlfriend was like that too. I missed her for a while but Gotham, where I moved that is, was prettier than her. try to guess who this song is about. hint, it's about gotham. (mostly) the thing in the trees is outside all the time.

a praetor held a position which operated on trust.
he was to govern instead of the emperor himself.
it was an easy easy privilege to abuse.
and verres did so.

he was the governor of agrigentum which we now know as sicily.
and he stole everything that wasn't nailed down,
took improper advantage of other men's wives.
the list goes on. trust me.
cicero wrote it all down.

poor, stupid fucking gamble or gambol or however that fuck spelt his name. seeing him and his fellow mobsters gave me the idea. I was going to burn the ships in the harbor. Of course that didn't include BATMAN but I can make changes for anything in my goals because plans are too straightforward. General hopes and aspirations are much easier for me. just call me cicero.

we're going to commandeer the local airwaves
to tell the neighbours whats been going on.
and they will shake their heads and wag their bony fingers
in all the wrong directions,
and by daybreak we'll be gone.

I'm going to get myself in fighting trim,
scope out every angle of unfair advantage.
I'm going to bribe the officials.
I'm going to kill all the judges.
it's going to take you people years to recover from all of the damage!

I think you can see what this is about.
and i think now is the best time to note that all of this is a lie from start to finish, i never had a step-father and i never went to chicago.

what did you expect?


tntandgasoline: (Default)

April 2010

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